On an episode of Brain Games recently it is explained that we are hard-wired, via evolution, to feel more "comfortable" with conformation and being in the pack. I can imagine that in South Ethiopia, the only people who survive long enough to procreate have a strong drive to remain in the pack, collaborate, cooperate, and conform. While these attributes are particularly useful there, here those qualities aren't as celebrated. People who "think outside of the box" and are innovators; those who march to the beat of their own drum, tend to be revered. They tend to be the happiest, most successful, and better "suited" to the Western life-style. So we need to blend her natural inclination to conform to peer-pressure and her need to please, with a celebration of her uniqueness and a development of her own individuality.
Hana is very interested in trying out a local charter school that we've visited many times (in an attempt to make a decision about whether to choose that option for Haley) and she really likes the idea of a full uniform, school 5 days a week, and "more friends." However, she actually doesn't perform or learn well in social settings because she is very much interested in "being liked" and "making everyone feel good." This is extremely distracting - from her own learning, but also that of the class (to the extent that she is a "behavior problem" because she is "disruptive.") This takes place in orchestra currently, as it did in gymnastics and choir (both of which require focused attention to perform well - so she was a poor performer in both). My concern is, if she isn't home actually learning (individually) she may not get what she needs academically in a group setting for being distracted (and being a distraction). So while she feels the "pull" to want to attend a school with more students, and go more frequently, I'm not sure it'll be a great LEARNING environment for her. And I don't want to introduce the idea that she's "misbehaving" and being penalized by teachers that may not 'understand' her (or care to investigate solutions, or 'tolerate' her 'socialization tendencies.' [Because we know that in the classroom, talking out of turn, and visiting to frequently with your neighbor will warrant an ADHD evaluation and drugs to shut you up].
But we'll add her name to the lottery list and see what happens. With each passing day, she matures a little. And in maturation, perhaps she'll find her "off button" (as the orchestra participants joke) and be able to get what she needs academically in a group, without becoming overwhelmed with conformation and/or socialization.
