"Anxiety also
comes back to haunt peer-oriented
learners. Because peer attachments
are inherently insecure, anxiety often
becomes a chronic condition.
Peer-oriented kids are among the
most agitated, perpetually restless,
and chronically alarmed."
"The authors pointed to well-regarded
research showing that 12-year-olds
who preferred spending free time
with their parents rather than gravitating
to their peers. . . demonstrated many
more of the characteristics of positive
sociability. The kids who spend the most
time with one another are the most likely
to get into trouble."
This is very interesting to me because...as soon as I decided to pursue this new course of action of homeschooling, I found that I was less stressed and anxious about "saving her from being ostracized "
"Did you put on deodorant? If you don't, the kids at school will start talking about you!"
"Are you wearing *that* today? That's too raggedy...the kids will start talking about you!"
As so aptly pointed out by Haley, herself:
in the one hand I (Mommy) am trying to instill the importance of individuality, self-determination, and avoidance of peer-pressure into her persona.
And in the other hand...I KNOW how cruel girls (and children in general) can be towards one-another (especially if there are 'obvious differences'). And the last thing I want for my daughter is to be singled-out, picked-on, and made to feel inadequate in peer groups. That's no fun!!
I openly admit, it is indeed very schizophrenic!!
Every week Haley shares with me a story about a "friend" who is no longer a friend due to some random reason that makes no sense. One day her BFF is texting/calling her every 10 minutes. Stark contrast to this entire week of spring break (it's Thursday) where she has not had one friend request an outing, not one call/text/email, nor has SHE talked about any of these supposed BFFs.
At the very LEAST, this social circus is extremely *distracting.* More probably...its very *harmful.* This impressionable time establishes the foundation for all future relationships and interactions. And in her world, everyone is an individual. And individuality is NOT appreciated among middle-schoolers (or high-schoolers...or in many ADULT social situations). How can I expect my daughter to focus on education in an environment where her talents and individual human attributes are unappreciated by everyone at the school?
As the chronic "outcast" among school-peers, a child either turns out to be brilliant and successful beyond words...OR...they decompensate and become "a problem" and gravitate towards gangs (and other "outcast groups")...or (lacking the wherewithal to withstand the peer-pressure or are unable to visualize a future of happiness) they self-destruct !
So...
Instead of worrying about "socialization with peers," and establishing these "superficial, unstable, chronically agitating peer 'relationships' "- perhaps focusing on building meaningful relationships, period, are better for a child.
And that relationship begins at home - with Mommy and Daddy.
